To Do List

So, I was thinking today. I know you’re saying to yourselves, “Oh no. Kate’s been thinking again. What now?” Just kidding…at least, I hope so.

Anywho, so I was thinking that I haven’t really been fighting the Good Fight lately; more like watching from the sidelines. I have also been somewhat less than proactive in my own attempts to be happy. Basically, I haven’t tried very hard to make myself happy, or tried to let God lead me to happiness. I’ve just been…letting whatever happen. Now, my general philosophy is to “live and let live.” I don’t think I have a problem with the “let live” part of that, it’s the “live” I am letting slide by. At least, living fully anyway. To do this, I’m pretty sure I need some divine intervention as well as some personal reformation. The first thought, that came to my head was that I should pray about it; not only that, but I should pray more often than I do. Say, every day instead of once in a blue moon (I’m not counting prayers led at church, devo, etc.). Well, if I want to start to pray every day, I should find a way to remind myself, right? I got out some paper (yellow paper, actually) and a marker (red sharpie, of course) and I made a To Do list; item number one: Pray. Well, I looked at my list, and I thought, “Well that seems insubstantial. It’s an excellent start, for sure, but I believe there is more to it.” So, I started adding some other items to the list that I believe are important. In the end, I had ten things To Do. As usual, I believe my goals are more likely served by making myself accountable to others, so here is my list, for your review and critique. The items are not in any order of importance because I felt that although some were more important than others, several held equally important places for me.

1. Pray. I don’t pray on my own very often, for others or for myself. I know that I should pray more often, but I have a hard time. For me, it often has the dual effect of making me feel a bit better, but at the same time, I rarely feel like God has provided me with any answers. I don’t expect God to hand me a solution every time I ask a question or I ask for help, but I also know that I am blinded by my minimal relationship with him, and I want to correct that. I would love to have the kind of relationship with God that I feel like many of you have.

2. Read. Read a lot. Read the Bible and Vonnegut and Rowling and Shakespeare and Tolkien and Morrison. Read fiction and nonfiction; whatever interests you, inspires you, and makes you question. As I’m sure you have noticed, I not only love to read, I think that reading is an important way to learn about others, yourself, your world, and how to express yourself in an articulate and informed manner. If I love to read so much, I’m sure you are wondering why I felt the need to put it on the list. Well, when I thought about prayer, I recalled a talk that I had with Amanda one time. She told me that when she prayed, she often got her answers from God through scripture. I honestly don’t read the Bible very often (again, I don’t count church, etc.); I am too distracted by other things in life. I do believe that all literature is beneficial and that I can find God even where you least expect Him, but I need to read God’s Word more often.

3. Respect. I know that I have said in the past that showing respect/courtesy is, in my opinion, the most important way to successfully deal with people. I also feel that I am fairly good at it, at least as far as others are concerned. I need to show more respect for God and for myself. As I said before, I don’t have the kind of relationship with God that I want, and I believe that I have disrespected Him by not cultivating it. I also have the tendency to be really hard on myself. Berating oneself has its place, but only to a point. I can change some things about myself and my lifestyle to make me feel better about myself. For some things, however, I must change the way I think about myself. I have learned, to an extent, how to think about myself in positive terms, rather than negative, and I am still learning. I also believe that, if I let Him, God can help me with these changes.

4. Love. Love God, love others, love myself. This goes very much in hand with Respect. I love God, but not like I should. I want to love God, my family, and my friends more actively. I don’t always express myself like I should, nor do I usually go out of my way to make my friends and family feel loved. Fellowship is very important to me and love is the only way to make it grow. I want to love myself more. Have you noticed how hard it is to love yourself? Not in a narcissistic, egotistical, obsessive, I can’t stop looking at my reflection way; but truly loving yourself for who you are, no matter what. See the last clause of the final sentence of item number three.

5. Forgive. God’s forgiveness and grace is actually the basis for my “live and let live” theory of life, but I am not perfect. I have been known to hold grudges and generally be stubborn. Letting go of some of that animosity would be good for me, as well as learning to avoid letting grow in me in the future. I also have to remember to forgive myself when I screw up. Again, this goes hand in hand with Respect and Love; and, again, refer to the last seven words of number three.

6. Reflect. Reflection is an integral part of learning. Whether you are learning about God or the culture of rural Mali, reflection allows you to organize you thoughts and draw conclusions. Reflection is more than just an academic exercise. It is intellectual, spiritual, and emotional. It allows you to learn from many people, places, and experiences. I firmly believe that there is something to be learned everyday, both in and out of the classroom. I learn from textbooks as well as from bouncing checks, and I try not to limit myself by limiting what I view as valuable and educational.

7. Follow. Following is very important. I should follow God more than I do, especially after I ask for his help. It’s very rude to ask for advice and then ignore your advisor. I should follow my wiser parents, family members, and friends. I’m not very good at following. I prefer to walk on my own two feet or lead the way, but there are innumerable advantages to following the lead of others who are smarter than me.

8. Speak. I am not always very good about expressing myself, nor am I good at asking for help. I need to work on speaking up for myself, and seeking the help I need, rather than hoping it will fall into my lap.

9. Act. Go forth and do something. Blaze a trail for myself. This is sort of the same problem as not speaking. I need not only to open my mouth, but to walk forward.

10. Lead. This is the only item that is in order of importance. I think that of all of these things, leading is the least important. Leading is important, but I feel that I must be accomplished in many of the things above to do it well. However, I like to lead, and I feel that I am good at it. I want to become a person that leads by example as well as a person who actively leads. I think that leadership is good for me. It helps me grow personally as well as a member of a community.

Well, that’s the list. Some of these things I do, but I could probably do them better. Some of these things I don't really do at all. I’m sorry this is so long, but I wanted to explain myself well. Please, don’t hesitate to comment if you have suggestions or opinions. Also, please pray for me; I really want and need your support. Thanks!

“Heaven helps those who help themselves.”

“My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness;
I dare not trust the sweetest frame
But wholly lean on Jesus’ name.

His oath, his covenant, his blood,
Support me in the whelming flood;
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my hope and stay.

On Christ the solid rock I stand,
all other ground is sinking sand,
all other ground is sinking sand.”
~ William B. Bradbury, “My Hope is Built on Nothing Less,” first verse, third verse, and chorus.